YOU FUCKERS FOR SOME REASON MAKE THIS THE MOST POPULAR POST OF THE YEAR INCENTIVIZING ME TO JACK OFF TO MY OWN EGO AGAIN AND AGAIN. I’M SHOCKED ANY OF YOU ARE STILL READING THIS WELL INTO YOUR MINI-VAN BUYING AGE. I’LL KEEP THIS SHORT AND FUCKING VERY SWEET THIS YEAR. DOES MUSIC MATTER ANYMORE? I WOULD SAY MOST KIDS DO NOT GIVE A VERY SWEET FUCK ABOUT MUSIC ANYMORE – HAVE NO CLUE HOW IT USED TO WORK – DO NOT GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT RIPPING IT OFF FROM OTHER ARTISTS DIRECTLY WITHOUT APOLOGY WHILE TAKING THEIR ALBUM COVER SHOT IN FROM OF A POSTER FROM THE ARTIST THEY ARE RIPPING OFF. IF YOU CALL THEM OUT ON IT THEY CRY NO FAIR – MUSIC IS NOT A GENTLE WORLD – MUSIC IS THE FUCKING WILD WEST – THAT IS WHAT ENABLES YOU TO RIP OFF ALL OF THE SHIT YOU DO KIDDOS – IT ALSO ALLOWS COWBOYS LIKE ME TO COME ALONG AND FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. PEOPLE TELL ME BEING MEAN IS DEAD – I HAVE A SHRINE TO MEANNESS I’VE ERECTED HERE AND FOR SOME REASON IT STILL STANDS AFTER YOU’VE DELETED MANY OF YOUR BANDS FROM THE FACE OF THE INTERNET. WHAT IS IT WITH THIS DESIRE TO DELETE BANDS – IF YOU GO THROUGH THE CATALOG – I CAN’T FUCKING TELL YOU HOW MANY AMAZING BANDS HAVE DELTED THEMSELVES OUT OF EXISTENCE. IT WOULD FUCKING BLOW YOU MIND WHAT YOU CAN NO LONGER GET ANY FUCKING WHERE – POOF – 100% FUCKING GONE. EVEN AFTER I’M DEAD I WILL PAY ANOTHER BITCH AND ANOTHER BITCH AND ANOTHER BITCH TO KEEP THIS SHIT GOING AND MAINTAIN THE RELEVANCE AS LONG AS LIGHT CASTS ITSELF DOWN UPON THE BLOGOSPHERE.
SLOWDIVE – SLOWDIVE
This is the fucking number 1. It’s arguably their best album in many ways, I know a lot of you will say that’s bullshit, but it’s like fucking crack, you play it all the way through and you have to listen to this shit again immediately afterward. I love all of their shit, masterpieces across the board, but this wins for me, at least all of 2017.
BLANCK MASS – WORLD EATER
You would not believe the shit that I have to put up with every day, got some crazy fuckers living in a flop house. This album is how I keep people out of the fucking living room where I sleep.
LUSINE – SENSORIMOTOR
When I make these lists it shows me how far off of what I hoped would happen has taken me, I just surrender to this shit and hope to dissipate someday.
GEOTIC – ABYSMA
After life has punched you in the face enough times, you learn how to enjoy it, and maybe shit wasn’t that bad after all.
NIGHT SINS – DANCING CHROME
Sometimes I feel like you can select your own ending like a choose your own adventure book, and other times I feel like Saturn keeps making shit choices for me. Until I shut that shit off.
BJORK – UTOPIA
I’m not even sure I still enjoy listening to Bjork anymore, and I could just be putting this up here out of habit. This is either one of the best things she’s put out or I’ve fucking popped a gasket.
DRAB MAJESTY – THE DEMONSTRATION
Of course this shit is on here, it’s almost a parody of what IVIYH has become. AM I A METAPHOR FOR THIS MUSIC OR IS IT A METAPHOR FOR ME?
TUXEDO GLEAM – SUBTLETIES
Reminds me of simpler times, drinking simpler times beer from Trader Joes, another life, a better life, a greener life, smoking green, hazing myself into a haze of dark dancers.
COM TRUISE – ITERATION
This could have maybe been number one, or maybe it deserves the last spot on this list.